I was talking with a friend the other evening about “attachment issues” and how common they are to so many of us.  Codependency has gotten a bit of a bad name over the years because it is thrown around and used to describe myriad reactions to people, places and things.  My friend shared with me a new term: Independency.  Her therapist talked to her about strengthening her independency rather than trying to eliminate her codependency.

Independency resonates with me.  It’s empowering and hopeful and achievable, I think, one action at a time.  Too many simply chalk up their “bad behavior” to their codependency with no real plan for changing the behavior.  Independency invites you to think of yourself in a new way, I believe.  It rather reminds me of saying “I am a nonsmoker now” rather than being a disgruntled ex-smoker.

When I wrote, IF ONLY I COULD QUIT: BECOMING A NONSMOKER, in 1985, I was attempting to give the reader a new persona, one that was powerful in a healthy way.  Because I had recently become a nonsmoker too, I knew the power of the word.  Words can define us.  They can and do strengthen us, and they propel us to new heights.  Watching the words we use, monitoring them closely, will reveal many things to us, I think.

Hearing the words others use to describe themselves is quite revealing, likewise.  Have you tried on any new words lately?  Exploring this idea may be transforming.  In fact, I think I’d say it will be transforming.  Go for it!

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